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Oct 4, 2021

MANAGING AN ANGRY CHILD

In this blog Dr. Bhavana illuminates why kids get physical when they are angry, how their behavior get saltered and how they can be relieved from such a self-destructive state. But first let’s see who is an “Angry Child”.

“I stand and watch helplessly, looking at my five year old cute darling baby screaming and kicking the floor of living area for not getting a candy or ice-cream. Her fists are clenched and teeth gritting with trembling jaws and bloody red face.” Sonia Sharma, one of the parent having an angry child.

These dramatic and sometimes chilling situations are common sights nowadays. Even the parents are open to endure the tantrums of the child to avoid their kid landing in this state. Rather than working out on the situation, few parents tend to defend their child’s behavior and later find themselves in a huge mess.

In a view defending child may seem to be all-right but with this cover-up they may missing one of the most important child’s mental condition known as Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) or commonly called as Angry Child Disorder.

It’s always tough for any parent to unearth any messy mental condition of their Child’s. But it is equally important to take right measures at right time to have a happy future. Let’s learn ways to know more about child’s mental health.

Are we raising an angry child?

It is a common belief that if a child gets angry on petty issues by-default he is considered as short tempered kid. Somehow his behavior also gets acceptance in society. But no one ever tries to understand that how he developed that boiling temperament.  There are reasons for a child to be impatient, intolerant or even aggressive when they are not happy. Dealing with such an aggressive or hot headed child may be a formidable task for the family.

It may sometimes be OK for a toddler to throw temper tantrums around or a pre-school er for his infrequent aggressiveness.But it is always essential for a parent to keep a watch and evaluate his behavior. If any abnormality is seen in child’s behavior, it is advised to seek a professional help. Let’s look upon some areas that indicate that child needs help.

Difficulty with relationships

Getting in a physical fight with sibling or calling some elderly with a name once a while in anger may be considered as normal. However if child’s fuming nature inhibits him from being friends with others or restricts himself from developing a healthy relationship with family members, it’s a time to look into the matter seriously.

Disruptions in family matters

If your child’s aggressiveness or his anger is constantly a part of interruption in your family matters, it’s not healthy for any one. One should look seriously into the matter and find out the reasons why child is behaving so ineptly.

Aggression

Unspoken, but there are certain boundaries in the course of achieving something from others.Aggression may be considered the last resort. But if the kid implements it as his first option, then there is a big
problem. When the child feels incompetent of resolving his issues, he may consider this aggression as a suitabletool to reach out to his needs and desires. Here the matter becomes grim and seeks immediate attention.

Immature behavior

Toddler’s tantrums are the cutest or hilarious things to watch but
what if a reasonably grown up child behaves like a toddler or shows the similar tantrums, then this behavior needs to be addressed urgently. The kid must grow and behaves at his age. If the child’s tantrums are
getting worse day by day then, it’s time to consult some professional as child is finding it difficult to regulate his emotions.

Frequent frustrations

With age, child must cope up with the frustrating activities around him. If a child’s frustration al reactions are becoming un pleasant with his age, he needs help. It can be assessed easily. If an eight year old child, throws his toys when his creations like puzzles or building blocks etc. topples or some ten year old child throws his note books
around finding it difficult to learn some lesson. It is a situation where he is not able to cope up with his frustrations and needs help.

Dr.Bhavana speaks on the angry child issues

These days we can see lots of children facing problem of anger and seek help for its management. Our clinic in routine, gets lots of parents who are worried about their children’s anger and un pleased reactions.

Let discuss what can be done to resolve these issues.

Accept your Child’s anger

Whenever a child roars with anger, say “I can see you are angry” and if you have the reason behind that outburst say “I can see you are angry, as you love playing in the park but we have to leave for home for now, we will come here tomorrow.” Accept the anger of your child. Make them comfortable by saying “I can understand the reason for your anger”. Try to communicate with emotional aspect and ask them that it is OK to express their dissent on an issue.

Encourage them to speak up about their problem or dissent

“Children naturally do not know how to phrase their angers and dissent in words. You need to teach them to be vocal about their problem. Guide them with words that they can use to express their feeling.” explains Dr.Bhavana.

Try to connect with them and say “I really want to hear what are you feeling right now, I will be able to understand you better if you speak it up and then we will be able to find solution to it.”.

In a reverse situation where you yourself are offended with the child say “I am angry with you”. This way child would gradually start adapting the rules laid by you. By the age of six, child develops another emotion that may be called as “superego”, which may act as a halt signal for showing up undesired tantrums and helps them to control their aggressive outburst.

Try to reach out the positive solution that is understood by kid

Since centuries, tantrums are considered as manifested blackmailing reactions by a child to achieve his needs or desires. Melting down to every demand of the child may have risk of spoiling him,as it can be used as a tool all the time to dictate his terms. In contrary to it, it is equally important to understand the child’s psychology. Hence a
balance should be kept in such a way that peace prevails. Child needs help in coming out of the emotional distress known as anger. He should not be left to drown in the weakened emotional state of his mind.

Try to work on the solution like, “offer him strawberries instead of some high calorie candies he is demanding in place of dinner or strategize a way by playing indoors if it’s raining outside and he is adamant of going out to play”. To make him escape the dreadful condition,he should be given manipulated or altered options so that he is
distracted from that adamant state.

Ease the situation before it becomes a problem

It’s better to hold the moment before it gets switched to anger. Fade off the tantrum on its onset by reacting like “let’s see or let’s discuss” rather than directly saying “no”. It serves two purpose, one, to ease down the moment and second, it gives sufficient time to respond to the issue. Moreover, the child gets an impression that he is been heard and acknowledged. This helps in winning his trust and he considers us more reliable. 

Sometime change in place may also eases down the heavy moment. You may say “let’s go for a ride or let’s buy some hair clips for you, we’ll discuss the matter in the way”

Define boundaries

While conveying the massage “it’s OK to be angry” set some boundaries like “Its OK to be angry but you cannot break the toy or hit your sister” tell them that damaging something or hurting someone is wrong. This way child gets a message that he is not allowed to do wrong to others.

Above article has benefited thousands of concerned parents and has helped them to better their child’s behavior. If you still need a professional advice you can consult Dr.Bhavana Jain Agarwal MD. (Nidanam Homeopathy).